Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
