What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
