i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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