And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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