and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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