Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
