Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he fucked my hip out of place.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
