If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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