fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He better not be in your backpack
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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