Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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