Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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