Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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