Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
