My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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