Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
