very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
