legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
