peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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