so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
