I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
