We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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