I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
