Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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