im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
BRING THE BAGELS
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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