You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
