You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
