in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
