what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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