Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
