hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
