just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
