Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
