I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
