im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
