The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
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No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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