We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
