Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
