Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm too high and old for this...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
