he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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