as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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