I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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