easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
