Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
