someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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