youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
