The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
how does that bad decision feel?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize