Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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