sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
