Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
