Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
