I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
