Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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