I wish I only lived at night.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
