Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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