What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
