I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
