the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
