sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
