Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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