I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
