I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
