so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
