I think I won the penis lottery.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
