I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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