Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
