Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
