We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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