its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
