Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
