Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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