Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Michael Bay diarrhea
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
