I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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