i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
