epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize