What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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