Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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