now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
