I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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