Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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