i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
