im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
