you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
